being able to go back home at anytime is such a privilege to have

when i broke up, mum hugged me at night, told me ‘it’s okay'.

i want to go home at any time, i want to only be spoiled brat, I miss home, miss my mum and miss my dad. They are the best things in this world that i could have.

i want to hold hands with my mum, i want to always sa jiao with them. 

there is only one place that i can show who I am and put all my passion into - that’s called home. 

a place called home is where your family is. 

mum is an angle, she has her lovely temper and always worrying about me. she said don’t drink too much coffee and always bring me out for coffee. she cares her lovely three children more than everything. my dad once said “your mum’s heart is full of you.” I teared out secretly when I heard this. yes, that’s my mum, and she loves three of us more than anything. 

home is where your family are, even it’s a tiny place but it feels so cozy when we are all here - mum is cooking food, dad is always on his phone reading news, i’m helping my mum preparing food after school, brothers are at work and school, we have dinner, it’s so greasy and we always have tea after dinner, with juicy grapes.

i am so charged when I was with them. i love them, so much. but I have never said i love them. i’m not good at expressing my love in words but i could wait for long to buy my mum favourite almond croissant and carrying all the way to give her so that she could have the other day morning. 

i’m so sentimental but i can’t help that’s just me, this is who I am. i feel bad for always having thinking about the good of others, always being so kind to others, i learned to keep a distance to protect me and being cold to them in the first place. that’s not who I am. i have been washed with love for the past 20 years and how could some bad events totally change who i am. 

i still remember the time that i have argument with my mum and i called her when i’m back to school - i said “sorry mum” and i cried, that’s my very first time that i could remember that i said sorry to her. i don’t have the best temper, instead i always have the worst temper against my parents, but they never shout at me because of this, they told me to control it afterwards over and over again, they respect my little temper and said it’s natural as a girl. i thought i was always alone when i have the most difficult times but i was wrong, i have a whole family that i could always fall back. 

i know when i tell them i want to go home, they will definitely cry, so do i. so i don’t want to let them worry about me. but i do really want to go home. go home. 

i always try to look forward, even when i look backward i often compare myself with the old good one and criticise myself. but i was never able to try to remember as much as those things in the past. i want to remember all. 

i want to write all down. 

i remember the time that my family and auntie uncle met my ex family, they sat down and so angry because they are not being respectful towards me. they tried to guide me and let me know i deserved a better one but they also worried about i may so suffer from this from the first love. but they want the best of me, they are so gentle and negotiate with me. not only them, but also my mums siblings, they all worried about me and want the best for me. i feel so blessed at that moment, the fact that we all are at the same boat and planning for my future. i’m not alone. i have a whole army with me.

my mum checked me up at night and told me it’s okay and asked me if i want to sleep with her. i hugged my mum at night. i’m so blessed, so blessed to have a beautiful mum, inside and outside. i bet my future husband is also so blessed to be able to have this beautiful after my mum.